Sooooo I’m back Ranters! There’s no particular reason that I haven’t been writing, except that life sat on my chest and has barking in my ear for a week or so. But I can’t let that stop me from writing. Not ever. If you love something you should do it every day. Every single day and it’s been days since I wrote a post. I did write or rather co-write a poem recently though...I think that counts….
So what have I been blogging about lately? I have been doing topics right? I think it’s time for a good old fashioned rant. No purpose, No coherent meaning. I’ll just shovel the shit out of my brain and let you sort it out.
WTF is love? I just had an interesting conversation last night with my friend Natalie about the nature of love and relationships and I spoke on a couple of points that I found surprising namely, the following:
My longest relationship has been only 6 months: 6 Months? This from the guy who wants a mandatory 5 year pursuit before he marries a woman and I can’t manage a year’s worth of relationship? That’s effing terrible. I don’t know what it is, but my girlfriends never seem to pan out. Now I’m stuck trying to figure out if I actually need to try and press a relationship beyond 6 months or if that’s just me forcing it?
Fear and Longing: I’m learning new levels to the term, “Be careful what you wish for” every day. What you wish for will come back to bite you in the end. But does that mean we shouldn’t wish at all? For instance, I used to and sort of still do wish to be feared. This was and is for a multiplicity of reasons, the first being that I think its cool and the second being that I think if more people were afraid of me then more would be safe from me. But now it hurts a little. I’m feared for strange reasons. Not because I’m physically intimidating (I am not) But because I have silver tongue and I’m not to be trusted. I’m feared because I’m too smart and If and when I get my hands on the power I desire, I may cause some sort of irreparable damage. I’m feared by powerful women because though I look good, they are afraid of losing some of their power to me. I’m feared because I’m a soldier without a cause and all I long for is to be understood. I long for forgiveness for sins committed and sins I may still commit. I long for acceptance. I long for understanding. I long to be left. Alone. I long for Companionship. I long to find someone to pour my love into but the ones I keep picking don’t measure up.
Time and Penance: So is it too late? Am I running out of time? For my heart I mean. I feel like there might be a time limit for me to love or else I will let the power trippy side of me take over and it won’t be pretty. If that happens I can only love after a fashion and I will only develop a companion who is integral to me attaining and maintaining my own power. It won’t have anything to do with love and it won’t be rosy or pretty like in the movies. Maybe things will be different when I’m 30…..
I’m tired of this subject matter now…
\||/ Audibles\||/ AFI Album December Underground. Love like Winter is probably My favorite =)
\||/ Readables\||/ The Newspaper! I like the AJC even if their new layout looks like USA Today =(
\||/Mandibles\||/ Vegan Cheesecake- its effing delicious
…TheGift
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